14 Ways To Destroy Religion With Your Kids

*Blank stare*

So, I read this.

Don’t look at me like that. You know I can’t help myself.

Interestingly, there are some good points in Natasha’s post. Actually, there are some brilliant points. Credit where credit is goddamned due, no holy. However, Natasha ruins the whole thing in her second point.

Oh, but let me show you how.

Mrs. Crain says,

At an age-appropriate level, we discussed how some people just don’t want to believe in God because they want to live without any (moral) rules; how some people see all the bad stuff happening in the world and decide a good God can’t possibly exist; how some people think the world has just always existed without a creator; how some people think the world would be very different if God existed; and so on.

This can lead to a great conversation about how the decision to accept or reject God (and Jesus) is the most important decision people must make in life.

Yeah, K.

Yeah, K.

Fucking wrong, Mrs. Crain. Have you ever even spoken to an atheist? It appears not, because there’s not a single atheist on this planet who would tell you that they do not believe in God so they can live without moral rules. Some certainly found their way to atheism by questioning how a good God can exist, but, you see, if there were evidence for his existence, you wouldn’t be able to deny it whether you wanted to or not. I would estimate about 99.9% of atheists do not believe in God because there is no evidence for his existence. That is literally the only reason. Given evidence, we would believe and this is about the 832nd time I’ve explained this just this week. If there are atheists out there who lack belief in God for any other reason, please, by all means, post why in the comments.

So, this woman is not only teaching her children lies about the nature of existence, evidence, science and morality, but she’s also lying to her kids about atheists, setting them up to be completely misinformed well into adulthood, and to look like fools when talking to anyone who knows better.

Way to go Christian mommy. Jeebo must be proud of you.

In response to her list about atheism and how to talk to your kids about it, I have come up with my own list for how to talk to your kids about religion. I was planning on being nice, until she decided to express her horrifically wrong views for why atheists do not believe in God. No more nice. Fuck her.

1. Be intentional in pointing out that reality is not enough for some people. That’s right, your kids may be shocked to find out that the boundless Universe, the vast expanse of the Cosmos, and infinite galaxies and innumerable possibilities is simply not enough to strike a chord in some people. There are those who need magical ghosts and fairy tales to give their lives meaning, purpose, wonder and awe.

Pope approved

Watch where you’re stickin’ that thumb, there Frankie.

2. Discuss reasons why people do believe in God. Let your kids know that the vast majority of these people are, deep in their core, murderers and rapists and the only thing stopping them from acting out their nature, is a book written 2000 years ago by uneducated men in the desert who thought people got sick because they had fantasies about smoking pole. The Bible is literally the single thing stopping them from killing and raping. Molesting is different though. It’s Pope-approved.

3. Be sure to tell them that Jesus may actually never have existed and whether or not he did really has no bearing on our lives whatsoever. Feel free to tell them the stories of Jesus’ life from the Bible and then ask them if it makes sense to them. When they say no, let them know that some people actually believe those stories, even though there is no evidence at all to prove them and in fact, there is quite a bit of evidence to the contrary. It’s okay to laugh with your kids about this.

4. Tell your children that the people who believe Jesus was the son of God, believe it because the Bible describes miracles performed by him to prove his identity. Follow it up by telling them the indisputable fact that there is no evidence that anything in the Bible is true and that at best, a small handful of these stories can be used to illustrate moral lessons. You can also show them a few easy magic tricks to show them that miracles can just be slight of hand.

Jesus resurrects some fresh beats

Jesus resurrects some fresh beats

5. Acknowledge that the resurrection is a fantastic example of special pleading. All our common sense and scientific knowledge about the nature of death, tells us that people cannot come back from the dead. In the case of Christians, however, a special case is made for Jesus, based on absolutely zero evidence outside of a book of tales written 2000 years ago in the desert by obscenely uneducated men. Decades after Christ’s death. They didn’t even know him. Oh, and it was translated countless times.

6. Ask what your kids have heard at school from those who believe in God. You may be surprised how much horseshit they’re being fed without your knowledge. Be aware of it, counter it, and always, always ask your kids if it makes sense to them.

7. Read apologetics books together. After your inevitable laughing fits, answer their questions that will more than likely arise about how people can actually believe this utter nonsense. Explain to them: intense fear of death, scientific illiteracy, ignorance and an unwillingness to take into account new information (for instance, why atheists really don’t believe in God) are all reasons for why people defend their beliefs blindly.

8. Discuss relevant current events from newspaper articles. For instance, the Catholic sex abuse scandals, ISIS, the orthodox Jewish babies getting herpes from post bris blow jobs, the #FreeMubarak campaign which yours truly worked on, how Saudi Arabia is rounding up atheist bloggers and putting them in jail, the fight for equality for homosexual men and women and everything that falls in between, and much much more. This is also an excellent time to point out that just because the religious think their ancient books make them moral, it is actually quite the opposite. It appears as though their ancient books give them reason to commit heinous acts against humanity in the name of God. You can tell your children, that the only way to be truly moral, is to trust your innate empathy and pay attention to the consequences of your actions.

9. Introduce religious memes for discussion. This one is really not necessary because in all my time on the internet (a long time) I have yet to see one that contained any sort of convincing argument against reality. This step is more or less just for shits and giggles.

10. Read stories of people who turned away from atheism. Explain that someone who identified as an atheist who suddenly believes in God, was never an atheist to begin with. In order to identify as an atheist, you must be aware of the fact that there is no evidence for God. Unless and until that evidence surfaces, an atheist will not change their mind.

11. Challenge your kids with role play. Easily find out how your kids will react to the arguments by religious fanatics for the existence of God and the necessity of religion in a person’s life. Challenge their ability to express what they do and do not believe. Urge them to use reason, logic and evidence to support what they are saying. Most importantly, introduce them to the Hitchslap and give a prize for every time one of your kids throws down a similarly Hitchensian response.

Hitchslap hand12. Watch debates between religious people and atheists. I can’t wait until the day I can sit down with my boy and introduce to him the razor sharp wit and clarity of Hitchens, or the calm, cool, collected intelligence of Sam Harris, or Richard Dawkins’ intimidatingly brilliant scientific mind. Pop some corn, sit back and watch the four horsemen blow every religious argument out of the water using evidence, reason and logic. This step is well aided by a foam finger and a bullhorn.

13. Read a book together by a Christian and then a rebuttal by an atheist (or vice versa). This exercise helps kids understand the nature of evidence and how to use reason to figure out what’s true and what is not. It’s also a great way to illustrate how even grown ups don’t grow out of fairy tales and how the life of an atheist is more moral and more respectable than that of an indoctrination-supporting theist who refuses to accept new information as it becomes available. Point out how the atheist world view is ever-changing with new discoveries and new facts being made known, but the beliefs of a theist remain the same, unless and until they become an atheist or an agnostic.

14. Check out religious web sites together. Although, I would urge you to do this when they are much, much older and not easily frightened as the imagery of dead, bloody, beaten bodies hanging on crosses can be a bit much for a child to take. Fuck, it’s even a bit much for an atheist adult to take. Explain to your kids, when they are ready, that for some reason, theists obsess over gore. They decorate their places of worship with it, they slice genitals up as a tradition, they read exceptionally gory stories and assure us it’s because that’s how they figure out what’s moral. Yes, their obsession with gore is terrifying, and their deriving their morality from stories of gore is even more frightening, but if we continue to live within the bounds of reason and logic and empathy, we can help keep up the rapid pace of declining numbers of theists, and ultimately make the world a way, way, way better and more moral place.

Of course, most of these points are tongue in cheek and I don’t actually think that making fun of people with your kids is a good way to parent. However, I got my back up after Cunty-McJeeby said we don’t believe in God because we don’t want to live with moral rules.

She fuckin’ started it.

If you enjoy my blog and videos, consider becoming my Patron. All Patron donations go towards hosting, domain names, and more time creating. Click here.
Category: Debate, Jeebots, Mommyhood | Tags: ,
  • Brian

    Along with having no proof for the existence of any god, looking at the wars and killings, persecutions, in tolerances for the LBGTQ and people of other races around the world today, I cannot bring myself to believe/accept any religion. If religions would promote peace and understanding and become a cause for good, and not war, I like to think that other atheists along with myself would be tolerant, that while a god may not have created the universe, religion is beneficial, however until that point I do not see any good coming from religion. That is why I’m atheist. Awesome article too!

    • Umm

      God is a mother fucker

      • But if you wait to see some good to come of God or religion, what does that say about you. Doesn’t it say that you are too good of a “god” to mess with the possibility of “other gods” and if they exist, you are too good to mess with worshiping them? What would actually happen if you were to humble yourself and admit that you are not master of the universe any more than any of the rest of us, which means you cannot see every corner of the universe to be able to say, “no God.” On the contrary, when you realize your pride and bow in humility, you might realize that you are a walking miracle, blessed with (I will assume) good mental/physical health, great personality, and someone who could be fun to be with and an addition to the life of others you meet. Why not give us the sarcasm and smell the roses God has created, and give Him a shout of thanks and praise. God loves you! It won’t upset your world to thank Him….O wait, It just might…for the better. And you say??

  • Matt

    You just made my afternoon! This post made me laugh several times. Like you said, this woman’s kids are just going to be embarrassed when they grow up and repeat this bullshit.

    One thing I’ve been thinking about that I’m going to make clear to my son when he’s old enough to understand: For the resurrection of Jesus to be true, the falsehood of the “evidence” would have to be more miraculous than the miracle itself. Case closed.

    • That’s definitely something my son will be told as well. Thank you for reading and I’m glad I could give you a chuckle 😀

    • What is your philosophy about “free thinking?” Shouldn’t you allow your son to form his own opinions? Regarding “evidence” for Jesus’ resurrection, there seems to be a lot better witness account for Jesus death and resurrection than for almost any other historical figure you can name. And how is it that a band of followers who had run away in fear became bold enough that historical records (Jewish historian, Josephus) recount that, except for the Apostle John who survived boiling in oil, they died as martyrs. That’s a lot for men and women who were duped by a false Messiah. Don’t you think so?

  • Anna

    Hi there,
    Read your blog for the first time after a recommendation from a friend who has been reading your blog for sometime. She actually told me to come and read this response post to a Christian mom blogger. I’m a mom who is looking for ways to teach my kids about Atheism so I appreciate some of your practical advice here. But I can’t help but feel it is not showing a lot of empathy! I don’t agree with what Theists believe but I do think that they can be quite ‘charitable'(giving credit where it is due). I would hate to think that the face of Atheism would have to be one that is so hostile. I would love to recommend your blog to other moms but this will be what is stopping me. Just a thought from another Atheist mom 🙂

    • If you read to the end, you’ll see it was tongue in cheek. Most of my posts are humorous in this way. If it ain’t your thing, it ain’t your thing.

    • magsmagenta

      I enjoy these snarky posts, if it weren’t for having an outlet like this I would be much less in control in my dealings with real life religious idiots I come across especially at work when I need to maintain a professional detachment.
      Reading things like this and maybe making a few comments of my own is quite theraputic.

      • Thank you, they are quite therapeutic for me, too!

  • Another Oz Atheist

    Yep, my daily dose of mirth, thanks very much for that. Foam finger and bullhorn 🙂 Still have to read many of your older posts, they are always a good giggle.

    Thanks for summarising the Jeebot’s inane gibberish for us. I can’t stand reading their actual blogs – by word 11 already feel the need to puke on my keyboard. Remember to keep a bucket or two ready when you do number 14…

  • Peter Grice

    Interesting take. But you seem to have quite a reductionist anthropology, and I’m not sure it’s serving you well in interpretation. Human motivation is complex. The myth of the clinically rational animal barely survives at the popular level, and finds no traction whatsoever in the academic literature. All of us have desires, and preferences, so affectivity cannot be jettisoned.

    By all means, critique, ridicule, refute—but why not understand the actual claim first, and interact with that? I’m familiar with this terrain, so I know that Christians hold that all people have the impulse to moral autonomy, and Atheists are obviously a subset of this class. Mrs. Crain makes a claim from within her own worldview about some people being ultimately motivated this way. You see the distinction, right? Everyone’s so motivated, but there are some people for whom this particular desire is overriding.

    I glanced at her blog, and Mrs. Crain seems well aware of the variety of motivations and reasons for belief. This is clear enough even in the rest of the quote. She also suggests that some people ultimately conclude that God can’t exist based on how the world is (that is the category of evidence), that some people do so based on the problem of suffering (that is the category of reason), “and so on.” So she knows it’s a complex discussion, she uses several categories, and she says she takes time with her children to lay out those perspectives which are grounded in reason and evidence.

    So your “Have you ever even spoken to an atheist? …not a single atheist on this planet… would tell you this” response would be entirely on point if she had claimed that atheists routinely tell her this, or accepted a theory of human motivation which is naively credulous toward a person’s say-so. Clearly you’ve framed your response around a category error, exchanging one person’s claim about anthropology made from within their own worldview, for another person’s self-understanding from within a contrary worldview. To your credit, you’re not trying to pretend your post isn’t substantially a tongue-in-cheek rant, which is your prerogative on your own blog. Otherwise, taken seriously, that’s some nasty, nasty stuff right there! At one point you remonstrate against the Pope, but pontificating is just what you’re doing, dripping with the kind of moral superiority you claim to be against. At least, you were *planning* to be nice to her! But why don’t you have to actually follow through with being a decent human being? You put it down to these three stellar moral justifications: 1) she’s wrong, 2) you got your back up, and 3) Mrs. Crain started it.

    Since we’re psychoanalyzing, let’s not pretend the leading lights of the pop atheism movement are the kind of moral champions our children should emulate. Here’s an insider perspective from a former Outreach Coordinator for one of their organizations (namely, James Randi’s):

    “But I no longer identify with this community of benevolent know-it-alls, because not all of them are the best folks in the world. In fact, a good percentage of the top ten worst humans I’ve ever met are prominent members of the skeptics’ club. They’re dishonest, mean-spirited, narcissistic, misogynistic. Pick a personality flaw, and I can probably point you to someone who epitomizes it. And that person has probably had a speaking slot at a major skeptical conference. I grew particularly disgusted with the boys’ club attitude I saw among skeptical leaders and luminaries. The kind of attitude that’s dismissive of women, sexually predatory, and downright gross. When I first started going to skeptical conferences as a fresh-faced know-it-all, I started hearing things about people I once admired. Then I started seeing things myself. Then I got a job with the JREF, and the pattern continued.”

    The specifics of this are well-known, and are a matter of public record now. There are scandals among several of the so-called “brights,” including serious rape charges. Real talk: most of them are sleaze-balls who in their writings and actions ooze bile, not empathy.

    But you are right, of course, to cite in passing some examples of moral evils: murder and rape. We should all be outraged at those things, calculate the harm, and dig down deep to find feelings of empathy against those natural instincts (i.e. killing and raping) which got us to this point.

    Except that you didn’t say why. You neglected the whole category of moral imperative, which is the whole point. ISIS is bad? Who says? What’s your objective, rational, evidence-based critique? Consequences? LOL! That’s fine for you and your preferences, but how does it morally obligate those who don’t opt-in? The rapist is just fine with the consequences. Besides, consequences are descriptive states of affairs. Where’s the moral prescription? The well-known “naturalistic fallacy” collapses the two, as you have. So are you even tracking with the real issue here? The “Common Sense Atheist” Luke Muehlhauser gets it:

    “During the Q&A following my talk at UCSD, a young Christian woman asked, “Without God, how can you have any morality?” The mostly skeptical audience laughed, as if it was a stupid question. Geez, not that again. Well, it’s not a stupid question. Is a very good, important, difficult question. I reminded the audience that many atheistic philosophers agree with the assumption of her question. They agree that without God there are no objective moral facts. In fact, one-third of philosophers think there are no objective moral facts. That’s no laughing matter. …Many atheists seem to think moral realism is obvious, and easy to prove. I disagree.”

    You write against Mrs. Crain, “your kids may be shocked to find out that the boundless Universe, the vast expanse of the Cosmos, and infinite galaxies and innumerable possibilities is simply not enough… to give their lives meaning, purpose, wonder and awe.”

    This whole “I gots the feels!” move is 2012’s atheist parlour trick that nobody really bought into. Wonder. Awe. Proximal meaning and purpose. As if that’s the real criteria. Serious thinkers, like I trust your kids will be when they become adults, see right through that kind of bootstrapping. Have you read Atheist philosopher Thomas Nagel’s seminal article on “The Absurd”? You might as well embrace it, he says. As a recent atheist commenter wrote, just “stop sugar coating it.” (see here: http://coldcasechristianity.com/2014/the-inevitable-consequence-of-an-atheistic-worldview/)

    Won’t your own kids be similarly “shocked” to find out that mom’s hero actually thinks “the boundless Universe” undercuts things like purpose and morality? Dawkins famously wrote, “The universe we observe has precisely the properties we should expect if there is, at bottom, no design, no purpose, no evil and no good, nothing but blind pitiless indifference.” We can emote about the cosmos all we like, but as Stephen Crane sagaciously penned:

    A man said to the universe:
    “Sir, I exist!”
    “However,” replied the universe,
    “The fact has not created in me
    A sense of obligation.”

    To wit, the universe has not obliged us to itself, either, which is entirely the point regarding morality: the so-called grounding problem.

    You said, “there’s not a single atheist on this planet who would tell you that they do not believe in God so they can live without moral rules.”

    But Nagel conceded, “I want atheism to be true and am made uneasy by the fact that some of the most intelligent and well-informed people I know are religious believers. It isn’t just that I don’t believe in God and naturally hope that I’m right in my belief. It’s that I hope that there is no God! I don’t want there to be a God; I don’t want the universe to be like that.”

    Atheists and Christians *can* agree that humans don’t really want to be morally accountable to God, and for some this is a driving motivation. Your “literally the only reason” lecture about evidence proves to be overly simplistic.

    • You’ve clearly taken my post far too seriously. Even she didn’t take it that seriously. My blog is mostly meant to be humorous and ranty. If that’s not what you’re into, and you’re looking for scholarly debate, I fail to understand why, exactly, you’re on Godlessmom.com

    • Have you had a sense-of-humour-ectomy?

  • The problem is, in their relentless drive to force their religion on everyone by actual brainwashing christian will not shrink from the following.

    Nothing is too absurd, illegal, immoral, untrue, evil, or just plan stupid that they will not use it.

    No amount of facts, solied verifiable proof, or rational reasoning will persuade them otherwise.

  • Lat

    To be fair, almost all of her posts (excluding the one in which she shows absolutely no knowledge of atheists, the one quoted in the OP) are just about giving children ways to intelligently discuss and defend their faith. There was no Atheist bashing of any kind just simply, “There are people who don’t believe God exists. Here are some ways to prepare your children for debates with them.” That being said, as a future Atheist parent, I will teach my children the same. To be inquisitive and skeptical of religion and to be prepared for debates with religious people. However, I probably won’t be teaching them about the horrors of religion, that should be pretty easy to find on their own.

    • Yeah except that she said we choose not to believe in God so we don’t have to live with moral rules. If you don’t think that’s atheist bashing, then you’re probably not really an atheist.

      • Bad Girl Bex

        The whole thing was a step by step guide on how to make sure that your children are as fully indoctrinated into your chosen faith as possible, giving lots of examples of times when you can make atheists out to be stupid, ignorant and immoral, when in reality, they’re just training up wee jeebot soldiers, to become the next William Lane Craig. The whole thing was delivered in that smug, saccharine tone that the ‘godly’ love to use, in an attempt to sound ‘oh so fucking reasonable’ – all the while coming across as pious and vile. Total pile of brainwashing bile, designed to keep kids minds filled with religiobot bullshit, every waking moment and never have a chance to truly explore their ideas and concerns away from the ever hovering helicopter parent from hell. Urgh…. Hilarious response though GM! As always, xx

        • “wee jeebot soldiers” would be hilarious if it weren’t so scary.

          • Bad Girl Bex

            Hey, you coined the word ‘jeebot’ – I just love getting the opportunity to use it! It almost sounds cute, in a sort of Gremlins-Before-They-Replicated-Into-Something-Truly-Heinous kinda way.

  • Erik

    Thanks for the giggle-fest!
    It bugs me too when believers claim that we atheists want simply to live without morals. My own response to that claim typically takes the form that there are good people who do good things, and bad people who do bad things, regardless of whether they believe in a god or not; but that for good people to do bad things it takes an irrational belief system, which normally takes the form of religion. (I think some extreme political beliefs have also turned some otherwise good people into evil-doers as well).
    But now I plan on using some of these responses too 🙂

    • Have you ever read a portion of the Bible. My biggest concern about atheists is that there isn’t a name that better describes those who consider themselves as such. I mean, there has to be something better to base your whole life and eternity beyond besides “no-God.” Any ideas? Catch me on Twitter as @wooster6 Thanks!

  • Deborah Brett

    If you look at the state of the world, or even read the bible, it is clear that the judeo-christian god cannot be both omnipotent and benevolent, and actually permits or directs acts that are morally repugnant to any reasonable person.
    If you actually think critically about the stories in the bible, which most bible-reading christians seem not to have considered, it quickly becomes apparent that it is not a suitable basis for a moral code, or a reasonable explanation of the origin of life, the universe, or humanity.

    • I full agree with every last word of that. Did you deconvert? Or are you a lifer atheist?

      • Deborah Brett

        My parents were very religious when I was young – living in a closed religious community, overseas missionarys, church camp, picketting family planning etc. Things sort of faded out as I got older and less cooperative. I kind of believed as a kid, and there’s still the superstition element hanging over, but it never really made any intellectual sense – I just accepted it on a completely different level, true because it just was. As soon as you stop to look at any part of it, it sort of falls apart. And for some reason, church never tackled any of the difficult bits in the bible, just the standard stories and the loving-wise-jesus stuff.
        I quite enjoy pulling the bible appart in arguments and looking at the less PC bits. I think most christians don’t actually read the whole thing ever. They just skim the nice easy bits without thinking too much about the hideous genocide, rape, torture, prejudice, betrayal, and endless contradictions.
        I think seriously and critically reading the bible all the way through (skipping the begats if you like) is probrably enough to deconvert a person of average morality.

  • There is common ground which binds us all, whether or not I believe in God has zero impact on the actual existence of God. He exists or he doesn’t. This truth is irrefutably shared by believers and atheists alike. I chose to believe because I believe in the rules of the game as laid out by Christ, to love thy neighbor and be judged and forgiven by the same measure with which I judge and forgive others. My neighbors include atheists and believers, and even those who corrupt the teachings of Christ to advance themselves in some way. To me, being Christian is simple, wash feet. Christ says, “what so ever you do to the least of my people, that you do unto Me.” I know that I know nothing and that my faith in Christ is nothing if I do not seek out those hardest to love and wash their feet.
    Thanks for getting this dialogue going.

  • jake

    I will never understand religious people. In every area of life people demand proof and evidence but for some reason that same level of scrutiny does not apply to religion.

  • Tony

    All of Ms Crain’s nonsense aside, there is one basic thing that really irks me when religious people try to speak about atheism: that they call it a belief or a worldview.

    Atheism is NOT a worldview. It’s simply a definition or a label. Nothing more. Why can’t they get that? Whenever someone pulls this on me, I go to one of my favorite responses: “atheism is a religion/belief like OFF is a TV channel”.

  • I was talking to my oldest son earlier this month and he asked why I’m not religious, and I responded by telling him the story of Abraham being asked to sacrifice/kill his first born son. Then I informed him that god has a history of taking his wrath out on first born kids, and that I would never want to harm any of my kids… especially him. It seemed to surprise him that something so violent was in the book. when he asks me for another example I’ll remind him that he’s the only male in my family that is not circumcised.

  • French Bradford

    The whole culture, it seems, is about warping minds that are still in the developmental stages. Like ants taking poison back to the colony.

  • Mohammed Abbas

    Didn’t god make a bet with satan?