At ease, soldiers. What has brought me here today, men, women and attack helicopters, is a simple reminder that as a member of the Yessir Brigade, you are hereby obligated to identify Nazis. Your pointer fingers better be sharp and clean, because everyday there is a new crop of nazis mobilizing on social media to commit genocide.
Soldiers! How do we identify a nazi? I will refresh your memory!
A nazi may be a member of the National Socialist German Workers’ Party!
A nazi may self-identify!
A nazi may call for the complete annihilation of certain races!
A nazi may be openly and outwardly racist, bigoted and believe he or she is superior.
But, my flock, I want you to be on the lookout for the most heinous sort of nazi of them all. Keep your Twitter open and your tapping finger ready, because a nazi is also someone who disagrees with us.
Have you found someone who is anti-violence against everyone including nazis? That’s a nazi!
Have you found someone who believes nazis can change their minds? That’s a nazi!
Have you found someone who thinks that words can be a powerful weapon against bigotry? That’s a big, fat, bigoted nazi!
Do not be fooled, my little lemmings, by their insistence that they hate nazis, too.
Do not be fooled by their Ghandi quotes and Rosa Parks references.
Do not be fooled by their mild-mannered suggestions that punching nazis is not the way they might have handled it themselves.
Do not be fooled by their claims that conversation is good and leads to change and violence only serves to shut it down!
These. Are. Nazis.
The only people you can trust are not nazis, are the people who claim they would happily punch a nazi (although never have). If you meet someone who is not delighted by violence against nazis, THAT’S A NAZI!
Now, like good little soldiers, I want you to go forth and spread the word on social media. You get out there and spot as many nazis as you can, and call them out. Don’t be discouraged by the consequences that may befall these monsters and pay no mind to calls for evidence. The only evidence you need to know if someone is a nazi, is their plain disagreement with you!
You get out there, and make sure everyone knows, who is a nazi. You get out there and point those glistening fingers!
You get out there and find yourself some nazis! Yessir Brigade at attention!