Harder, Faster, Wider: Expanded Defense Of Porn

Y u no look like me?

Y u no look like me?

Yesterday, I posted a satirical piece about porn. While I consider much of what I said, true, it’s important to note that it was written for fun and nothing more. That said, I got some serious comments criticizing porn and I thought I would address them with my opinion. Which, combined with a loonie, might get you a double double at the T-Ho’s drive-thru.

1. “Porn creates unrealistic expectations about looks.” Listen here. I have never been skinny, always been short and look nothing like a porn star. I have freckles and skin imperfections and my teeth are not straight. I wear specs and can only control my hair if I spend hours trying. And yet, I have never, ever in my life, not once, ever expected I should look like a porn star. Why, you ask? Because I live in reality.

Now, I realize that there are women out there who compare themselves to porn stars and feel low and worthless because they don’t look like that. But that’s not porn’s fault. That’s indicative of a poor self-image which usually stems from real life situations, like being treated poorly, or dealing with trauma. It does not come from porn, but if porn exacerbates an already existing poor self-image, then why are you watching?

Further, while the vast majority of porn features perfectly shaped women with no blemishes, there is a lot of porn that doesn’t. Like I said in yesterday’s post, there is literally no type of person that isn’t represented in some porn, somewhere. Unlike the feature film industry, porn will happily put anyone up on the screen who consents. If you’re into morbidly obese amputees, it’s out there. You want saddlebags and saggy knockers? You got it.

As far as your partner goes, if he or she expects you to look like a porn star, I have to ask, why are you with that person? I mean clearly they lack intelligence, if they expect average, everyday women to look like that. They’re also not really all that into you, so, what are you getting out of it? I’ve never dated a man who had those types of expectations because… well, I guess I just have self-respect. Those who lack enough self-respect to hold out for a partner who loves them just the way they are, don’t lack it because of porn. We all know this.

2. “Porn creates unrealistic expectations about sex.” Sure. If you’re a virgin… but virgins have unrealistic expectations about sex with or without porn. Once you’ve had sex a few times, though, those expectations fade away pretty quick.

3. “Porn is unrealistic in portraying what average people truly enjoy”. That’s right. And Masterchef is unrealistic in portraying how average people cook. We still watch it though. If you’re watching porn and then heading into the bedroom to reenact it, well, you’re going to have a bad time. So long as you and your partner communicate about what you like and what you don’t like, the last porn film you watched really ought not weigh in at all.

4. “Guys who watch porn expect women to reach climax a lot easier than they do.” Aside from “guys who watch porn” being entirely redundant, this point is goofy. The only people who expect women to have an orgasm as quickly as porn stars do, are virgins or dense. You see, the thing about movies, is that they’re not real. Much like I don’t expect to find a talking snowman named Olaf, I also don’t expect my sex life to look even remotely like a porn flick. Separating truth from fiction is important to me, as an atheist, and I would urge all of you to value it as well.

I guess the overwhelming majority of complaints about porn center around the fact that it’s unrealistic. I just have to wonder why anyone is expecting it to be realistic. Are you expecting the new Star Wars film to be realistic? Do you expect Game of Thrones to be realistic? How about the latest Neil Gaiman novel? You don’t, do you? So, why then is porn the only genre of entertainment that we expect to be realistic?

If you’re heading into a porn flick, with expectations of realism, I just really don’t know what to say to you. That’s some goofy-ass shit.

Like I said in my previous post, porn can’t hurt your relationship without permission. It also can’t make you feel shitty about yourself unless you allow it to. It can’t give you unrealistic expectations without you first conceding to the ludicrous notion that porn should be realistic. Porn is not the cause of your relationship issues. I’d venture a bet they exist with or without porn. Porn is not the cause of your poor self-image. I’d venture to guess they’d be there even if porn did not exist. Porn doesn’t make you think your partner enjoys things he or she doesn’t really enjoy. That is clearly the lack of communication between you and your SO.

Pepper Potts

Damn, girl.

Porn causes about as many problems for you and your relationship, as Scully and Mulder do for today’s actual FBI. Next time, try going into it with the expectation that everything you see will be exaggerated, touched up, acted and rehearsed. You know, kinda like how you would if you were going to see an Iron Man flick. I’ve never left one feeling less-than because I ain’t no Pepper Potts. Why would I behave any differently for porn?

If you enjoy my blog and videos, consider becoming my Patron. All Patron donations go towards hosting, domain names, and more time creating. Click here.
Category: Debate | Tags: , , ,
  • OK, I’ve read both articles and here’s my 2c (USD).
    Porn is like any other item in this world. It’s there for entertainment, but only if done in small, managed doses. When your life becomes obsessed with porn, it becomes like any other addiction. Card games, alcohol, religion are all addicting because people become focused on one item that they think will solve their life problems. Porn has its good and bad purpose in life, but anyone who takes porn seriously needs “to get a life”.
    I’ve seen porn (I’m a guy; I should have). But porn is not real. No more than God or The Avengers. It’s the creative outpouring of a select few who want to say something. I agree that there is good and bad with porn (as you have very well splained), but there’s also good and bad with Botox (which is a poison). It’s like anything else in life. Indulging in something to the extreme is bad for you. If it wasn’t we all wouldn’t be overweight.
    I know some JeeBot is going to say it objectifies women, but doesn’t gay porn objectify men? And if porn was real, wouldn’t I have 9″ between my legs instead of a shelf overhanging it? And why isn’t my wife blonde, shaved and able to wrap my legs around me (oh yeah, the shelf)? And if porn was legit, then why aren’t any movies nominated for Oscars because of their cinematography and writing?
    One thing that does bother me…foreign language porn. What the hell are they saying? And putting subtitles makes it even worse, cuz now you have to focus on the bottom of the screen instead of the middle.
    Porn is no different than other indulgences in life. And you have hit the nail on the head with both articles.

  • Robert Douglas

    No one has ever taken me seriously when I’ve said this, but I think it’s 100% true. The adult entertainment industry has a much broader and more realistic definition of beauty than the mainstream Hollywood film industry. Take a look at some of the most successful female adult performers and you will see plenty of women that, while they may be more attractive than the average person, they still look a lot more “normal” than the starve-themselves-while-on-the-treadmill stick women of most Hollywood productions.

    When I watch the AVN awards I usually think, “wow, she’s beautiful,” when I watch the Oscars or the AMAs or something like that I usually think, “wow, she needs a sandwich.”
    When one considers just how puritanical our culture in the US can be, it’s difficult to take a lot of the criticisms of the adult entertainers or any other sex workers for that matter, at face value.

    • Right? They have bums and hips and feminine roundness in porn. In movies, they’re flat and straight as a plank.

  • Samuel Penning

    Porn has left millions with unrealistic expectations about the pizza delivery, plumbing, and pool maintenance industries.

    • That is the truth.

      • Andrew Hobson

        Not to mention chat up lines like,”Hey Baby! You look really hot and you make me so horny. Wanna fuck?” being successful.

  • Mario Marceau

    I responded to that satire about porn, GM. I certainly hope you clearly understand that I am neither for nor against that industry. What I stand for is common sense. The porn industry follows the money. Where people go, porn will follow. But enough about the excesses of porn and the boob tube:

    As an atheist who observe, I can safely conjecture that ALL the excesses we are indulging and/or experiencing today are a direct response to centuries of dark ages; of having been kept on a tight religious leash, by indoctrinators who fancied themselves as ‘scholars’.

    It is still happening today. These excesses will go on for some time to come. The excessive stubbornness of a few to have it all while one billion of us live and die in shantytowns, our excessive propensity for violent wars, conflicts and competing instead of cooperating, our obsessive tendencies about women, the LGBT community, people of ‘other’ colours that lead to inequalities, intolerance and hatred…

    Sex is fine, porn is fine. If a man wants to swing his dick, fine. A woman wants to shake her booty, fine. But we should at least take considerable time to look at the bigger picture once in a while. We’re not fucking rabbits!

  • ShibumiMC

    Only thing really wrong with porn is where it involves children or forced participation, and maybe that by definition isn’t porn. Second thought: if we decriminalized and de-stigmatized both porn and prostitution maybe sex crime would reduce.

  • MrFox

    Porn and all forms of entertainment are supposed to be just that: entertainment.
    Not an accurate depiction of reality.

    SJW don’t care about this, they want to ban all the fun things so they can control things more.
    If they really wanted representations in media to change, they could just make their own.

    It’s very similar to all fun things being banned in Islam.
    I think both Christianity and Islam got started by feminism.
    They both started in times of abundance, where women could demand special rights.
    As religion get’s real power, it destroys the host civilization.

    Especially on sexuality women benefit from controlling that because it allows them to control the resources their husband produces. Why would any man be angry about a prostitute, porn or women running around with their breasts exposed? The only reason there are laws against this is to benefit the wives of the men who make those laws.