Harder, Faster, Wider: Expanded Defense Of Porn

Y u no look like me?

Y u no look like me?

Yesterday, I posted a satirical piece about porn. While I consider much of what I said, true, it’s important to note that it was written for fun and nothing more. That said, I got some serious comments criticizing porn and I thought I would address them with my opinion. Which, combined with a loonie, might get you a double double at the T-Ho’s drive-thru.

1. “Porn creates unrealistic expectations about looks.” Listen here. I have never been skinny, always been short and look nothing like a porn star. I have freckles and skin imperfections and my teeth are not straight. I wear specs and can only control my hair if I spend hours trying. And yet, I have never, ever in my life, not once, ever expected I should look like a porn star. Why, you ask? Because I live in reality.

Now, I realize that there are women out there who compare themselves to porn stars and feel low and worthless because they don’t look like that. But that’s not porn’s fault. That’s indicative of a poor self-image which usually stems from real life situations, like being treated poorly, or dealing with trauma. It does not come from porn, but if porn exacerbates an already existing poor self-image, then why are you watching?

Further, while the vast majority of porn features perfectly shaped women with no blemishes, there is a lot of porn that doesn’t. Like I said in yesterday’s post, there is literally no type of person that isn’t represented in some porn, somewhere. Unlike the feature film industry, porn will happily put anyone up on the screen who consents. If you’re into morbidly obese amputees, it’s out there. You want saddlebags and saggy knockers? You got it.

As far as your partner goes, if he or she expects you to look like a porn star, I have to ask, why are you with that person? I mean clearly they lack intelligence, if they expect average, everyday women to look like that. They’re also not really all that into you, so, what are you getting out of it? I’ve never dated a man who had those types of expectations because… well, I guess I just have self-respect. Those who lack enough self-respect to hold out for a partner who loves them just the way they are, don’t lack it because of porn. We all know this.

2. “Porn creates unrealistic expectations about sex.” Sure. If you’re a virgin… but virgins have unrealistic expectations about sex with or without porn. Once you’ve had sex a few times, though, those expectations fade away pretty quick.

3. “Porn is unrealistic in portraying what average people truly enjoy”. That’s right. And Masterchef is unrealistic in portraying how average people cook. We still watch it though. If you’re watching porn and then heading into the bedroom to reenact it, well, you’re going to have a bad time. So long as you and your partner communicate about what you like and what you don’t like, the last porn film you watched really ought not weigh in at all.

4. “Guys who watch porn expect women to reach climax a lot easier than they do.” Aside from “guys who watch porn” being entirely redundant, this point is goofy. The only people who expect women to have an orgasm as quickly as porn stars do, are virgins or dense. You see, the thing about movies, is that they’re not real. Much like I don’t expect to find a talking snowman named Olaf, I also don’t expect my sex life to look even remotely like a porn flick. Separating truth from fiction is important to me, as an atheist, and I would urge all of you to value it as well.

I guess the overwhelming majority of complaints about porn center around the fact that it’s unrealistic. I just have to wonder why anyone is expecting it to be realistic. Are you expecting the new Star Wars film to be realistic? Do you expect Game of Thrones to be realistic? How about the latest Neil Gaiman novel? You don’t, do you? So, why then is porn the only genre of entertainment that we expect to be realistic?

If you’re heading into a porn flick, with expectations of realism, I just really don’t know what to say to you. That’s some goofy-ass shit.

Like I said in my previous post, porn can’t hurt your relationship without permission. It also can’t make you feel shitty about yourself unless you allow it to. It can’t give you unrealistic expectations without you first conceding to the ludicrous notion that porn should be realistic. Porn is not the cause of your relationship issues. I’d venture a bet they exist with or without porn. Porn is not the cause of your poor self-image. I’d venture to guess they’d be there even if porn did not exist. Porn doesn’t make you think your partner enjoys things he or she doesn’t really enjoy. That is clearly the lack of communication between you and your SO.

Pepper Potts

Damn, girl.

Porn causes about as many problems for you and your relationship, as Scully and Mulder do for today’s actual FBI. Next time, try going into it with the expectation that everything you see will be exaggerated, touched up, acted and rehearsed. You know, kinda like how you would if you were going to see an Iron Man flick. I’ve never left one feeling less-than because I ain’t no Pepper Potts. Why would I behave any differently for porn?

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Category: Debate | Tags: , , ,