Every Atheist Needs: The Red Pill

The Red PillI know I’m going to cop a lot of heat for this, but I would hope that if the headline already has you burning with rage, you might take a minute to calm down and then consider the possibility that I might have something reasonable to say on this topic.

I spent a long time fighting by my husband’s side for his daughter. Without divulging details, I can tell you that had anyone stopped to think that sometimes dads are the better choice, my stepdaughter might not be having the mental health struggles she is today. For many years, we did our best to get the powers that be to see she ought to have been with us; that we could offer her a more stable life. For years we pissed away what little money we had on court fees and filing fees and document servers and consultations with lawyers who charged hundreds per hour and required retainers much more than we’d ever saved in our lives.

The bottom line was always the same: mom gets the benefit of the doubt and dad needs to be willing to slip into financial ruin to just be an active parent in his daughter’s life. Before we could even think about doing anything serious, we were out of cash and declaring bankruptcy.

During this time, because we were so broke, I searched and searched and searched for organizations that helped dads in British Columbia. I could only find the crumb trails to distant memories of good ideas that hadn’t lasted long. I expanded my search to the entire country, and found nothing. Looked across the continent, and found very little. What I did find, though, over and over and over again, for years on end, every time I searched for help for fathers in custodial matters, were organizations set up to help women. Free legal services, free private investigators, free counseling, free everything if you’re a mom. If you’re the father in the dispute, though, there is nothing. Nada. Zilch.

Ten years of this went by and I could find no help for my husband; no help for my stepdaughter.

I cannot begin to explain to you the helplessness I felt; how hard it was to just go on with life. When you love a child so much, but you can’t help her when she most needs it, it’s just the most devastating feeling in the world. It just about tore Godless Dad and I apart. We lived with this hanging over our heads everyday, wondering why the system had been set up to utterly destroy fathers.

So, when Godless Dad and I watched the Red Pill this Saturday, it was like having ten years of anger, frustration, misery, depression and helplessness validated. Someone was talking about it… finally.

While I have not researched and verified for myself all the information put forth in this documentary, the movie accomplished something so, so very important: it made you think that maybe, just maybe, the reality we’d all accepted isn’t an accurate reality at all. Maybe we need to dig a little deeper and open our minds a little further.

It makes you think. It makes you want to learn. As the mother to a boy, and the wife to a husband who was almost completely destroyed by his involuntary inability to be there for his daughter, it makes you wonder why in holy hell we’re aren’t talking about these things more.

And then I remember: People who talk about these things are bound to cop a lot of heat. Like I will, for saying I really enjoyed the Red Pill and suggesting maybe you’ll like it, too: The Red Pill.

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  • mr_tedious

    I’ve not seen the film, so I’m going to try and word my comment carefully here.

    I’ve been familiar with The Red Pill philosophy for a long time, long enough that I knew of it before it started to coalesce into the Reddit community it is so often affiliated with today. At times, I, like you, have even felt some pull towards some of the more noble sounding goals that the movement claims as its motivations.

    However, I think something to keep in mind with movements like this, is that there is no organizational body. Some members may be drawn to it for noble reasons, but many others are drawn to it for entirely different reasons, and none of those people are more or less “Red Pill” than the others. Much like the Amish and Westboro Baptist Church will both claim to be Christians and claim to be living the true tenets of their religion. It is not the lack of noble or good goals that makes a movement positive or negative, in my opinion, but the balance that group/organization/movement maintains between the the positive and negative influences within it.

    On this last point, I think point of view can easily influence which way you see those scales tipping. Again, I haven’t seen the documentary in question. However, a personal pet peeve I have with many documentaries in general is how often and easily they present a deliberately skewed perspective on their chosen issue. I would encourage anyone viewing the film (or any documentary for that matter) to seek out alternate sources on the topic as well.

    If nothing else, for anyone who hasn’t done so before, I would suggest you pay /r/theredpill a visit and read through the comments there. I believe they speak for themselves. I don’t mean this to be any sort of rebuttal of the particular issue that hit home with Godlessmom. However, I don’t think that one issue is enough validates the movement or rest of their agenda in my eyes.

    • Andre Bouchard

      The documentary is not about the red pill subreddit at all. Nor is it about the red pill philosophy at large. She just used the expression in its main and most popular definition.

      • Yeah, I am not a fan of the Subreddit, but that’s not what this was about.

  • Fascinating. I’m torn. There is white privilege and there is men’s privilege, just look at congress. Yet woman’s privilege also exists. As does religious privilege.
    It requires both sides to find a balance.

    • It does, and that’s why we need nuanced discussion and to assess things on a case by case basis.

  • I took one look at the title of this post in my RSS reader, thought, “Damn, she’s going to take some heat for this,” and then had to laugh at the first sentence. Almost everything I’ve heard about the film (which hasn’t been much) has been laced with outrage. But if it is thought-provoking, I’ll have to check it out. Back to your post…you shouldn’t take any heat for anything you said here, so I hope you don’t.

  • Thank you Godless Mom for standing by your husband during his custody battle. Thanks too for your willingness to hear the message in the Red Pill. It’s an important message that goes against the grain of our cultural narrative. It takes some maturity to digest.