If You Don’t Believe In God, Why Have You Devoted Your Life To Mocking Him?

Oh, hi! I didn’t see you there. You know, there is not a day that goes by on Instagram that I don’t get asked one specific question multiple times. In fact, I didn’t have one individual instance of this question in mind to respond to when beginning this post – instead, I scrolled through my recent comments and it took me less than a minute to find the latest addition to the ever flowing stream of this precise question:

If you don't believe in god...

In this one, idiotic question, there lies a mountain of problems so vast, it makes the Fyre Festival look like a NASA mission. It’s been phrased a million ways…

“If you don’t believe in god, why do you spend your life mocking him?”

“If you’re so sure god doesn’t exist, why do you devote your life to hating him?”

And on and on and on, until my eyes cross from the sheer, unbridled what-the-fuckery…

I see what they’re getting at, these defenders of the almighty. I mean, don’t think I don’t see their flawed logic. I do. I see that this is a gotcha for them. They think everyone, on some level, must believe in a god and the fact that I hate on him day in and day out is proof I acknowledge his existence. I see this. But Jesus….

Kevin Spacey eye roll gif

Class, stop me if you see the problems here.

First, the phrase, “spend your life” or “devote your life” gives me kidney cramps because their comment is, more often than not, posted on Instagram. Likely, the troll has not bothered to visit my website. He’s probably never spoken to me before; never emailed me to ask for clarification. No, he saw one post that upset his Christian sensibilities, skimmed the rest of my profile for a few seconds and decided – with the power of Jeeby vested in him – that this must be my entire life.

Instagram.

My entire life.

I don’t know about you heretics, but when I post a something on Instagram, it takes me but moments. A minute tops. I post about 10-12 posts per day on Instagram. What his-faithfulness is basically saying, is that those 10-12 minutes of my day is sufficient to determine what my entire life looks like. Not presumptuous at all, right? Of course, there’s also the possibility that to my troll-of-the-moment, Instagram is life and so therefore, it must be for the rest of us. But no, half an hour is the most I ever spend on Instagram on any given day, much to the chagrin of those of you asking me questions in the comments.

But what about your blog, GM? What about Twitter and Facebook? Don’t those take up more time? 

Sure do, Horatio. When I have the time to post to my blog, like today, it’s a couple of hours, tops. I pop in and out of Twitter all day as I write for the other blog I work for, and sorry, Facebookers, but I avoid you like the plague. The amount of time I spend being Godless Mom, I would say, accounts for maybe 5% of my life.

I’m going to be honest with you, though. I wish it was more. My life – my real life – gets in the way. The life my trolls refuse to acknowledge consists of kids and puppies and kittens and husbands and work and cleaning and laundry, so much laundry. Cooking, baseball, cubs, doctors appointments, dentist appointments, vet appointments, bank appointments, searching for a house to buy, watching House of Cards with my better half, starting bonfires on the beach with which to make s’mores… That is my life. That post that upset you about your fragile god? A blip… a mere blip on my day-to-day schedule.

So, as far as “devoting my life” to mocking god? I wish. But nah.

Now that we’ve covered that, I’d like to take a minute to talk to you about King Joffrey. He was the most vile king to ever rule the seven kingdoms, I think we can all agree. But, don’t you think with a little red lipstick and longer hair, he could pass for Christina Aguilera circa the Genie in a Bottle era? You gotta rub me the right way… 

Oh, fuck, look at me. I’ve mocked King Joffrey.

But wait, GM, surely you don’t think Joffrey is real?

That’s right, Columbo. Sit on that one and rotate for a little.

I mock your fragile god and I do it all while not believing in him. The same way I mock the idea that standing on your head cures cancer, my neighbour’s claims he travels the astral plane and that lady the other day who told me she made energy balls in her living room with her family to ensure she got the house she wanted.

I don’t believe in any of that shit, but 9/10 docs agree, it’s all an exceptional source of vitamin LMFAO.

Hahaha

But GM, most of your Instagram posts don’t mock god at all. 

You are correct, Kojack. In fact, the vast majority of my Instagram posts that mock anything at all, are mocking religion, blind faith and bigotry not god. The posts that are critical of something are critical of religious ideas, not your magic space-ruler. I poke holes in your stories, not God’s stories.

So, when someone asks me why I devote my life to mocking a god I don’t believe in I tell them:

  1. This is not my life. Believe it or not, I do feed my kids. How else would I plump them up for rib night?
  2. One can mock that which one does not believe in. Remember that time you yelled at the TV, “Tara, you fucking idiot, look behind you!” when Rick Grimes was leading the gang through a pack of biters? Yeah, you do.
  3. I mock and criticize religion most of the time. Religion exists and is real and is not equivalent to your god.

So, heathens, why do you devote your life to mocking god if you’re so sure he’s not real, huh? Let me know in the comments.

 

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  • Sarab

    Yep. Mocking the faith to follow in fear other men because of a written, rewritten, edited book by men for power and wealth.

  • Oggy 521

    Lol, I was the dude who posted that, and look, wasting 30 minutes of your life on an entity that you don’t believe exists is still pretty bad. You waste 30 mins everyday, that’s 6hrs and 30mins every week you waste on an entity you do not even believe in, it’s like me wasting 6hrs every week talking about Santa. So instead of wasting your life mocking some “imaginary being” why don’t you just go get a job and do something useful?

  • Oggy 521

    And I don’t even want to go in the maths side of things, In a year, you are literally wasting 182.5 hours of your life, can’t you think of anything more productive than going around offending people. Look, if you don’t believe in God fine, I don’t mind. But the thing is you can easily just think it in your mind everyday and carry on with your day to day life, but instead you are literally wasting 182 hours of your life, like seriously? And you are calling me idiotic?

  • Oggy 521

    And you claim to be a “mom” but you use words like “fuckery” and calls people “plague”. Say, are these the words you would be comfortable with your kids hearing? You ought to be ashamed of yourself leading such a bad example of profanities and cursing people. Every post I do is seriously but the tone of all your posts are in a I-Don’t-Care type of tone that makes me wonder whether the technologies of this age are brain washing people’s minds…

    • As a mother who teaches her children not to be horrified at certain arrangements of letters, yeah, I’m totally fine using this language around them. You get an average of 80 years on this planet. i would be absolutely devastated if my kids wasted any of that being upset over words that previous generations decided were bad,

  • Oggy 521

    And I am certain you don’t just use 10-12 minutes… Look, from personal experience it takes at least 2 minutes to post something, even typing takes 30 seconds…

    • I use an app will pre-populated hashtags. I just upload the pics, click “schedule” and it’s done for a month. Most days I don’t even login to Instagram.