What Would You Do If Christianity Were Proven True?

Fuck godSo, I was asked the other day what I would do if Christianity were suddenly proven true and there was no denying Jesus is the son of god any longer. While I clawed my way through the rest of the email, dotted with familiar phrases like “typical atheist” and “denying the evidence all around you” and accusations of being under the control of Beelzebub himself, I had a bit of a giggle fit. I mean really, what would that mean if Christianity were true?

If Christianity were true, and the Bible was, in fact, factual, we’d all be the products of an incestuous line of ancestors. We’d make deliverance look like a heartwarming coming of age story, really. Romance novels would have taglines like “No one could tame the heat of Grandma’s desire. No one but Uncle Jim.”. Thanksgiving would be considered a group date. Baptism would be a touch more difficult what with everyone growing arms out of their foreheads.

We would have to reassess the meanings of words like “omniscient”, “omnipotent” and “benevolent” because they clearly do not mean what we thought they meant. Heck, we would have to reassess everything we thought we knew, what with a trickster god running around burying dinosaur bones and trying to draw us all into butt sex and Harry Potter.

We’d also know, beyond any doubt, that free will isn’t a thing at all, since we really don’t have much of a choice between worshipping or eternal torture. That’s like going to a buffet stocked with endless bowls of donkey shit and one bowl of overcooked, underseasoned corn niblets and saying, “Look at all the choices!”.

We’d suddenly be living in a world where resurrection is possible, where three days is considered a “sacrifice” and where all our sins have been forgiven, except that they haven’t so repent you filthy meat sacks!

All that aside, though, if Christianity were proven true and no one could deny its factuality, would I worship god? Would I grovel at his feet and beg his forgiveness for this blog, all the pre-marital blow jobs and my inability to stop blaspheming? Would I stop writing and tweeting as Godless Mom and drag my kids to church? Would I suddenly shun my gay best friend, toss my “me time” toys or get baptised?

Nah. I wouldn’t do any of that shit. Mostly because I am a decent human being.

I wouldn’t – no – couldn’t worship a god who wants us to believe he’s merciful but who also demands we love him and if we don’t he’ll throw us in the fire, forever.

I couldn’t worship a god who chose to sacrifice the life of his son to create some cosmic loophole through which our loathsome little sinning selves could be forgiven. Especially when, given he’s omnipotent, he could have just forgiven us without all the pageantry.

I couldn’t worship a god who swears he is perfect, but somehow it’s our fault that he fucked us up and made us flawed.

Jesus dog butt

I definitely could not worship any sort of deity who, for a good 2000 years, only appeared on toast, grilled cheese sandwiches and the curly fur swirls around a dog’s asshole.

I couldn’t worship a god who, with his omnipotence, could do something about all the suffering in the world, which he clearly knows about being as he’s omniscient, but chooses not to. I couldn’t worship a god who claims he does nothing about the suffering our world is plagued with because he wants to protect our free will, when we clearly already know we have none – worship or burn is not free will. Choices made under such duress are not actually choices.

I couldn’t worship a god who watches us while we fuck, masturbate and suck each other off to ensure we’re doing it all the right way and if we’re not, we burn. I couldn’t worship a god who gave any sort of a fuck which holes are invaded by the old General and his two Colonels or how many tits are in the room when a woman writhes with the ecstasy of orgasm.

Finally, I couldn’t worship a god who doesn’t even allow for an escape from his immoral tyranny; his Hitchensian celestial dictatorship, because even doing yourself in will send you straight to the flames of hell.

So, what would I do if I found out Christianity was true? Well, I’d just have to yell louder, fight harder and blog more right here on Godlessmom.com. I’m sorry to say, Jeebots, but it’d just add fuel to my fire.

What would you do if Christianity were proven true? Let me know in the comments!

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Category: Debate, Jeebots | Tags: ,
  • Gregory P Falasz

    No concern of christianity ever being proven true. Cannot prove a total fantasy. If there was a scintilla of “truth” it would be called “evidence,” not “faith.”

  • Just once, I’d like to get one of these emails from a Christian asking me what I’d do if some other religion besides theirs was proven true. I suppose that is asking too much.

    • KonZill

      That was my first thought too. One of my standard questions for Christians is why don’t you belive in Krishna?

    • Haha, yeah I don’t think that’ll ever happen!

  • Jim

    Perhaps the proper response is to send emails to Christians asking them what they’d do if Christianity were proven false.

    • Great idea! Maybe I’ll see if I can get some to answer that and share the answers on my blog.

      • Jim

        I’ll await any answers you get with baited breath. But I won’t hold my breath waiting for their responses.

        Good luck.

      • The European Refugee

        As someone who grew up as a militant atheist and converted to christianity a year ago I can answer that question:

        First of all, Philosophically, I would have to acknowledge that there is no objective reference point for morality. Since there is only this life and my actions don’t have consequences beyond this life, I would act in whatever way would suit me best at the time. Ofcourse this does not mean I would go on Killing sprees, but the only philosophical reason for me not to kill someone that I truly despise is the mere fact that it would have negative implications for my life (imprisonment).

        I would lie whenever it serves me best since there’s no reason to speak the truth when a lie yields better results. I would endulge myself in pleasure whenever I feel like it, since there’s no longer a reason not to do what feels best.

        Lastly I would also become a lot more bitter, as I was back when I was an atheist, since I’d have to see the world for what it really is in a godless universe: An insignificant and meaningless place full of nothing but suffering.

        Hope this answers your question,
        God bless.

        • Manny Panning

          Basically, you are a psychopath.

          If your only reason for not killing/robbing/raping/lying is self interest, then you are a monster already.

          I do not kill out of empathy. I am able to put myself in the position of other people, and understand how my actions will impact them and those around them. It makes life more challenging, but also more livable.

        • Outraged_Texan

          If you are only being good for some possible reward in some mythical afterlife you are one sad sack of humanity. If your morality is solely based on consequences in the afterlife you definitively need serious mental health treatment.

        • So, you’re saying you don’t have any emotional reasons not to kill? You have no empathy? No compassion? That’s really scary, I have to say…

          This world might be insignificant and meaningless to you, but it’s not to the vast majority of atheists I know, myself included. We are not nihilists. Nihilism is different from atheism. Sure, there would be no meaning to some other-worldly being out there in the great beyond, but there is meaning to us. Why do we need meaning beyond our world? I am perfectly capable of living a life full of purpose and meaning even though that meaning only extends to the life on this planet (and potentially other planets in the future). If what you’re saying is that all meaning is lost once you stop believing in god, I don’t know what to tell you, but that is not applicable to me or my fellow atheists.

  • ShibumiMC

    The serfs of old gave and gave and gave to build billion dollar cathedrals and created a life of plenty and luxury for the clergy so they would escape “hell” and “live forever” and have “god” love them. Most people (except the clerics, nobles and royalty) lived in a state of absolute fear. If the Wholly Babble and “Jesus” were true, religious subscribers would, as then, still be subjected to The Church of Extortion and would give and give and give, but now they would be utterly insufferable in their attitudes and practices. They would be ever more assertive about getting themselves and their stuff into education and government. I am quite certain that today, most of them keep their passion in check because – deep down – they know it’s a load of baloney fact-wise.

  • ORAXX

    I have to wonder what proof of christianity, or any other religion for that matter, would look like. It would have to involve evidence, and if evidence existed, you’d think it would have been made widely available a long time ago. One may as well set about ‘proving’ the mating rituals of unicorns.

  • Rob Cahill

    I would assume if it was proven false they would not believe it. Like when Padre Pio was found out for being a fake, People here rang the radio station giving out saying Science should just leave it alone..

  • Azzah Zahirah Aziz

    I honestly dunno what i would do. Coz this is just an atheist’s perspective on Christianity. Other religions view Christianity in different lights, even some Christian minorities dont believe that Jesus is “Son of God” as that is very… roman-ish/greek-ish/pagan-ish style like he might as well have been “Son of Zeus/Poseidon/etc”, what with all the statues like the millions of Hindu gods’ and goddesses’ statues. Some believe in Monotheistic Christianity (you worship the “Father” and not the “Son”) but some believe in the Trinity Pluralistic Christianity, where there is a third wheel… i dunno how to feel about all this if it were proven to be “fact”, i would probably feel very conflicted and just wing it thru the spiritual side of life.

    • Glad we’ll never have to worry about it 🙂

  • Stupid Atheist

    WHICH Christianity…?!

  • Michael Hunter

    Yes, don’t you get tired of people telling you “I know in my heart that my religion is true”, and with others adding ‘my religion and prophet are true”. I hear that shit a lot Behind the Zion Curtain in Mormonville. I also can’t figure out why the Missionaries and Jehovahs’s don’t come by my house anymore to discus their fictional stories.

    Anyway, another good article you have written keep it it, I know you will.

  • timfromla

    Still not worship. I left Christianity because of racism and I will never return. Plain and simple

  • Buddy James Fazzio

    I’d hope that when I die I could stand before him and demand an answer. He is an abusive father figure who needs my money?