Category Archives: Atheist Life Hacks

Atheist Life Hacks: How Not To Be A Victim

Penang, Malaysia

I gripped my Dad’s hand as tight as I could and tried to look away. We picked up our pace and I began hopping to keep up with my dad’s long strides. I strained my neck as we passed. I saw a little boy, naked, standing next to a woman. She was sick. I don’t know

Atheist Life Hacks: How To Find A Missing Jehovah’s Witness

Jehovah's Witnesses

I used to get this nice old lady at the door. She’d have her hanky out dabbing sweat from her forehead when I answered it. In summer, our town can reach temps of forty degrees celsius (that’s about a hundred and four in Yankee). Before we ever got to God, I’d ask her if she needed some

Atheist Life Hacks: How To Break Up With Your Boyfriend’s Mom

Gallagher Lake

I met him at school. I was pretty shy, so I didn’t really say much to him. I thought he was cute though, so every time he passed me, my heart would climb up into the back of my throat. I’d gulp and flash him some puppy dog eyes and hope he didn’t notice my

Atheist Life Hacks: How To Make Friends With Sea Turtles

Sea turtle Akumal

I think it’s the sound of being underwater that I love the most. The noise of the world dulled and cloudy as though far away, the liquid sound of bubbles and the surface meeting air and objects and other swimmers. It’s quiet, peaceful, relaxing. It’s beautiful, too. In the ocean, as the sun’s rays burst into

Atheist Life Hacks: How To Take A Stand On Feminism


If you’ve hung around here long enough, you know my other half, Godless Dad, once toured with a popular Canadian punk rock band he help found as the drummer. Since the day I met him, he’s told me stories of the tour van breaking down in rural Ontario or that time they stopped in the

Atheist Life Hacks: How To Befriend The Butcher

The Polish Butcher

When I first met him, he called me Shorty. I had red hair then, but when I went blonde about two months in, I became Blondie. I am almost one hundred percent sure he never used my real name. It was a marketing meeting, which I had implemented monthly with the department managers of the nonprofit

Atheist Life Hacks: How To Meet A Quokka


We left from Freo early Friday morning. Rottnest Island is only 18 kilometers off the coast of Western Australia so we arrived a short twenty-five minutes later. I pressed my face against the window while I waited to disembark, and took in the electric green-blue water licking the stark white shore. We walked along the

Atheist Life Hacks: How To Rescue A Family Adrift At Sea

Regent of Fiji poolbar

The first time I went to Fiji, I was just eight. Before we sailed to Castaway Island, we spent a few days at the Regent of Fiji, a resort in Nadi which is now the Westin, I think. I know… it sounds like we were rich globetrotters, but the reality was that my mom was

Atheist Life Hacks: How To Meet Your Future Self

Fraser River

I grew up in a small island town, in the mouth of the dirty Fraser River. Below sea level, we were surrounded by dykes keeping the water out. On sunny days, which were few and far between, many of us river rats would find solace on the banks, watching the ripples lap against the slimy,

Atheist Life Hacks: How To Get Your Baby To Sleep

My happy man

My son was born in Playa Del Carmen, Mexico. At the time, we lived in a small, one bedroom condo just off la Carretera Federal. It was brand new, with granite counters and stainless steel appliances. The tiled floor was the brightest, shiniest white and the trim was all made of dark wood. We had