Category Archives: Atheist Life Hacks

Atheist Life Hacks: How To Be Motivated By The Good News

Swimming

If you’ve been following along with my Jehovah’s Witnesses saga, you know I’ve been passed off from witness to witness, some of them disappearing without a word, others moving on to bigger, fancier things in the big city. I’ve finally been handed off to a woman we’ll call Kate, who is, it seems, in it for

Atheist Life Hacks: How To Live With A Fear Of Big Shoes

Pippi Longstocking shoes

I must have been about five when I first saw the Wizard of Oz. There was a little video store in the heart of the small fishing village where I lived. My family and I would walk there and wander the dimly lit rows of shelves filled with more movies than I’d ever see. I’d run my

Atheist Life Hacks: How To Be Wrong About Canadian History

Canadian history

As a kid in Canada, every school year meant another unit on Louis Riel and another on the Hudson’s Bay Company. All of us know these stories by heart, because this is what Canadian history meant to the school board. We’d speed through our own history in a fortnight and get back to the serious

Atheist Life Hacks: How To Dine With The Guess Who

Kookaburra Kafe

On the north wall there was a massive, intricately painted mural with kangaroos and gum trees, koala bears and dingos. It was tasteful, and made you feel like you could run your palms over the soft fur of the koala or catch a whiff of the strong scent of eucalyptus. The other walls sported boomerangs and

Atheist Life Hacks: How To Find Your Soulmate

Pretty in Pink

It was the balmy summer of 1987. Bon Jovi’s Slippery When Wet was still being overplayed on the radio stations, everyone had seen Pretty in Pink at least forty times, and I needed a new bike. The one I had, I got when I was seven and, embarrassingly, had Strawberry Shortcake emblazoned across its bright

Atheist Life Hacks: How To Get A Lecture From Hulk Hogan

Hulk Hogan I Can Hear You

Before I actually worked there, I had this glamorous idea of what working at the airport might be like. I thought I’d get all these amazing travel discounts and I’d be able to move up and get promotions. I thought it would be exciting, seeing all these happy travellers come and go to and from incredible adventures. I

Atheist Life Hacks: How To Endure The Strangest Conversation You’ve Ever Had

WTF

It all started innocently enough. He asked if I wanted to debate. I don’t like to debate in private messages, so I mentioned that. I explained that I debate for the audience, not for my opponent and since there is no audience in a private message, it seemed a futile exercise. He wasn’t having it.

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Atheist Life Hacks: How Not To Be A Victim

Penang, Malaysia

I gripped my Dad’s hand as tight as I could and tried to look away. We picked up our pace and I began hopping to keep up with my dad’s long strides. I strained my neck as we passed. I saw a little boy, naked, standing next to a woman. She was sick. I don’t know

Atheist Life Hacks: How To Find A Missing Jehovah’s Witness

Jehovah's Witnesses

I used to get this nice old lady at the door. She’d have her hanky out dabbing sweat from her forehead when I answered it. In summer, our town can reach temps of forty degrees celsius (that’s about a hundred and four in Yankee). Before we ever got to God, I’d ask her if she needed some

Atheist Life Hacks: How To Break Up With Your Boyfriend’s Mom

Gallagher Lake

I met him at school. I was pretty shy, so I didn’t really say much to him. I thought he was cute though, so every time he passed me, my heart would climb up into the back of my throat. I’d gulp and flash him some puppy dog eyes and hope he didn’t notice my