Category Archives: Atheist Life Hacks

Atheist Life Hacks: How To Dine With The Guess Who

Kookaburra Kafe

On the north wall there was a massive, intricately painted mural with kangaroos and gum trees, koala bears and dingos. It was tasteful, and made you feel like you could run your palms over the soft fur of the koala or catch a whiff of the strong scent of eucalyptus. The other walls sported boomerangs and

Atheist Life Hacks: How To Find Your Soulmate

Pretty in Pink

It was the balmy summer of 1987. Bon Jovi’s Slippery When Wet was still being overplayed on the radio stations, everyone had seen Pretty in Pink at least forty times, and I needed a new bike. The one I had, I got when I was seven and, embarrassingly, had Strawberry Shortcake emblazoned across its bright

Atheist Life Hacks: How To Get A Lecture From Hulk Hogan

Hulk Hogan I Can Hear You

Before I actually worked there, I had this glamorous idea of what working at the airport might be like. I thought I’d get all these amazing travel discounts and I’d be able to move up and get promotions. I thought it would be exciting, seeing all these happy travellers come and go to and from incredible adventures. I

Atheist Life Hacks: How To Endure The Strangest Conversation You’ve Ever Had

WTF

It all started innocently enough. He asked if I wanted to debate. I don’t like to debate in private messages, so I mentioned that. I explained that I debate for the audience, not for my opponent and since there is no audience in a private message, it seemed a futile exercise. He wasn’t having it.

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Atheist Life Hacks: How Not To Be A Victim

Penang, Malaysia

I gripped my Dad’s hand as tight as I could and tried to look away. We picked up our pace and I began hopping to keep up with my dad’s long strides. I strained my neck as we passed. I saw a little boy, naked, standing next to a woman. She was sick. I don’t know

Atheist Life Hacks: How To Find A Missing Jehovah’s Witness

Jehovah's Witnesses

I used to get this nice old lady at the door. She’d have her hanky out dabbing sweat from her forehead when I answered it. In summer, our town can reach temps of forty degrees celsius (that’s about a hundred and four in Yankee). Before we ever got to God, I’d ask her if she needed some

Atheist Life Hacks: How To Break Up With Your Boyfriend’s Mom

Gallagher Lake

I met him at school. I was pretty shy, so I didn’t really say much to him. I thought he was cute though, so every time he passed me, my heart would climb up into the back of my throat. I’d gulp and flash him some puppy dog eyes and hope he didn’t notice my

Atheist Life Hacks: How To Make Friends With Sea Turtles

Sea turtle Akumal

I think it’s the sound of being underwater that I love the most. The noise of the world dulled and cloudy as though far away, the liquid sound of bubbles and the surface meeting air and objects and other swimmers. It’s quiet, peaceful, relaxing. It’s beautiful, too. In the ocean, as the sun’s rays burst into

Atheist Life Hacks: How To Take A Stand On Feminism

feminists

If you’ve hung around here long enough, you know my other half, Godless Dad, once toured with a popular Canadian punk rock band he help found as the drummer. Since the day I met him, he’s told me stories of the tour van breaking down in rural Ontario or that time they stopped in the

Atheist Life Hacks: How To Befriend The Butcher

The Polish Butcher

When I first met him, he called me Shorty. I had red hair then, but when I went blonde about two months in, I became Blondie. I am almost one hundred percent sure he never used my real name. It was a marketing meeting, which I had implemented monthly with the department managers of the nonprofit