Category Archives: Atheist Life Hacks

Atheist Life Hacks: How Disliking Oprah Makes You A Privileged White Racist

Oprah is a tit storm.

The other day, I posted this tweet (if bad words make you cry, click back now): My mom once asked, "How do you spell Oprah?" I said "C-u-n-t". Oprah Brings Atheists on Show- She HATES Them! https://t.co/vxTIGZECnB — ­čçĘ­čçŽ Godless Mom (@godless_mom) June 20, 2017 and it was promptly met with a DM from a

Atheist Life Hacks: How To Back Away Slowly

Energy balls

This past weekend, my son went camping without me. It was the first time he’d gone away without me anywhere so, naturally, I spent the weekend lamenting the passage of time with my good friend Sleeman’s. Before I spent hours staring listlessly at the wall chewing my nails, though, I had to drop him off

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Atheist Life Hacks: How To Use Algebra In The Real World

Math

You know when you’re showering and with the lack of distractions, something brilliant suddenly dawns on you? Shower thoughts. There’s a subreddit for those, too. The other day, while perusing r/showerhtoughts, I read this: After 20+ years I am finally using algebra in the real world!!!!! …to help my daughter with her algebra homework. from

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Atheist Life Hacks: How To Fly Your Dog To Mexico

Rocky

The night I moved to Mexico, it was snowing. I stood in line at YVR with my best friend, who is now Godless Dad, resting my bag on a giant animal crate stuffed full of my other best friend, Rocky. My stomach was in knots. I was about to hand over my baby dog to

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Atheist Life Hacks: How To Find The Prince Of Comedy

Kwame Siegel

Somewhere between the Church of Scientology building on Hollywood Blvd and the Chinese theatre that keeps changing names, my stepdaughter and I ran into Kwame Siegel, The Prince of Comedy. The last time I’d been on the Blvd, I was up to my halo in a fuzzy Vicodin-induced euphoria, so I didn’t recall that the

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Atheist Life Hacks: How To Call Out The B.S. of Islam Unapologetically

Indonesian Cops

So there I was, stealing one precious minute to myself in the laundry room as I waited for my washing machine to finish. The fresh scent of Purex, Bleach and Bounce sheets swirling around my head, I hopped up on the counter, pulled out my phone and tapped open Reddit. What’s going on in the

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Ask Mommy: What Do I Do If I’m Asked To Say Grace?

Saying grace

Most of us have been there before: we’re sat around some huge table, shimmering with silverware and wine glasses, whiffing a savory┬álife-impaired beast that’s been basted to perfection, when the head of the table pipes up and asks you, the sole heathen at the feast, to say grace. You’re like a deer caught in headlights.

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12 Halloween Costumes Only Atheists Would Appreciate

Priest with a boner halloween costume

Ahh, Halloween. That┬áblustery, crisp time of year when every housewife lines up at the T-Ho’s drive-thru for a Pumpkin spice muffin and matching latte. The time of year every shrub at the end of a driveway suddenly appears to sprout thick, synthetic cobwebs. The pumpkins are popping up all over town, brittle leaves swirl in

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Atheist Life Hacks: How To Kick Anxiety’s Ass

Shyness and anxiety

I used to be brutally shy. I mean brutally shy. I once had a job at a grocery store in the meat department wrapping meat. I worked there for six months and didn’t say a single solitary word to a soul. I got by with nods, shrugs and head shakes and it made my life

Atheist Life Hacks: How To Apologize For Neglecting You

Star Wars Cake

My little heathens… I apologize for being completely AWOL this past week – August, for my family, is birthday madness and it ends after the big one: my son’s. I was tits deep in cake batter and frosting, struggling to fill Kylo Ren-shaped pi├▒atas and breathing all my energy into a few dozen balloons. Houseguests