Category Archives: Atheist Life Hacks

Atheist Life Hacks: How To Get Rid Of Your Nice Jehovah’s Witnesses

Jehovah's witnesses

For some of us, it’s easy. Just open the door with nothing but a sock on your wang and ask the Witnesses if they want to come in and play Ouija, right? This method and similar ones, of course, are highly effective in getting rid of your Witness infestation but what if you’re not comfortable

Atheist Life Hacks: How Disliking Oprah Makes You A Privileged White Racist

Oprah is a tit storm.

The other day, I posted this tweet (if bad words make you cry, click back now): My mom once asked, "How do you spell Oprah?" I said "C-u-n-t". Oprah Brings Atheists on Show- She HATES Them! https://t.co/vxTIGZECnB — ­čçĘ­čçŽ Godless Mom (@godless_mom) June 20, 2017 and it was promptly met with a DM from a

Atheist Life Hacks: How To Back Away Slowly

Energy balls

This past weekend, my son went camping without me. It was the first time he’d gone away without me anywhere so, naturally, I spent the weekend lamenting the passage of time with my good friend Sleeman’s. Before I spent hours staring listlessly at the wall chewing my nails, though, I had to drop him off

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Atheist Life Hacks: How To Use Algebra In The Real World

Math

You know when you’re showering and with the lack of distractions, something brilliant suddenly dawns on you? Shower thoughts. There’s a subreddit for those, too. The other day, while perusing r/showerhtoughts, I read this: After 20+ years I am finally using algebra in the real world!!!!! …to help my daughter with her algebra homework. from

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Atheist Life Hacks: How To Fly Your Dog To Mexico

Rocky

The night I moved to Mexico, it was snowing. I stood in line at YVR with my best friend, who is now Godless Dad, resting my bag on a giant animal crate stuffed full of my other best friend, Rocky. My stomach was in knots. I was about to hand over my baby dog to

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Atheist Life Hacks: How To Find The Prince Of Comedy

Kwame Siegel

Somewhere between the Church of Scientology building on Hollywood Blvd and the Chinese theatre that keeps changing names, my stepdaughter and I ran into Kwame Siegel, The Prince of Comedy. The last time I’d been on the Blvd, I was up to my halo in a fuzzy Vicodin-induced euphoria, so I didn’t recall that the

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Atheist Life Hacks: How To Call Out The B.S. of Islam Unapologetically

Indonesian Cops

So there I was, stealing one precious minute to myself in the laundry room as I waited for my washing machine to finish. The fresh scent of Purex, Bleach and Bounce sheets swirling around my head, I hopped up on the counter, pulled out my phone and tapped open Reddit. What’s going on in the

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Ask Mommy: What Do I Do If I’m Asked To Say Grace?

Saying grace

Most of us have been there before: we’re sat around some huge table, shimmering with silverware and wine glasses, whiffing a savory┬álife-impaired beast that’s been basted to perfection, when the head of the table pipes up and asks you, the sole heathen at the feast, to say grace. You’re like a deer caught in headlights.

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12 Halloween Costumes Only Atheists Would Appreciate

Priest with a boner halloween costume

Ahh, Halloween. That┬áblustery, crisp time of year when every housewife lines up at the T-Ho’s drive-thru for a Pumpkin spice muffin and matching latte. The time of year every shrub at the end of a driveway suddenly appears to sprout thick, synthetic cobwebs. The pumpkins are popping up all over town, brittle leaves swirl in

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Atheist Life Hacks: How To Kick Anxiety’s Ass

Shyness and anxiety

I used to be brutally shy. I mean brutally shy. I once had a job at a grocery store in the meat department wrapping meat. I worked there for six months and didn’t say a single solitary word to a soul. I got by with nods, shrugs and head shakes and it made my life