Category Archives: Atheist Life Hacks

Atheist Life Hacks: How To Fly Your Dog To Mexico

Rocky

The night I moved to Mexico, it was snowing. I stood in line at YVR with my best friend, who is now Godless Dad, resting my bag on a giant animal crate stuffed full of my other best friend, Rocky. My stomach was in knots. I was about to hand over my baby dog to

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Atheist Life Hacks: How To Find The Prince Of Comedy

Kwame Siegel

Somewhere between the Church of Scientology building on Hollywood Blvd and the Chinese theatre that keeps changing names, my stepdaughter and I ran into Kwame Siegel, The Prince of Comedy. The last time I’d been on the Blvd, I was up to my halo in a fuzzy Vicodin-induced euphoria, so I didn’t recall that the

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Atheist Life Hacks: How To Call Out The B.S. of Islam Unapologetically

Indonesian Cops

So there I was, stealing one precious minute to myself in the laundry room as I waited for my washing machine to finish. The fresh scent of Purex, Bleach and Bounce sheets swirling around my head, I hopped up on the counter, pulled out my phone and tapped open Reddit. What’s going on in the

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Ask Mommy: What Do I Do If I’m Asked To Say Grace?

Saying grace

Most of us have been there before: we’re sat around some huge table, shimmering with silverware and wine glasses, whiffing a savory life-impaired beast that’s been basted to perfection, when the head of the table pipes up and asks you, the sole heathen at the feast, to say grace. You’re like a deer caught in headlights.

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12 Halloween Costumes Only Atheists Would Appreciate

Priest with a boner halloween costume

Ahh, Halloween. That blustery, crisp time of year when every housewife lines up at the T-Ho’s drive-thru for a Pumpkin spice muffin and matching latte. The time of year every shrub at the end of a driveway suddenly appears to sprout thick, synthetic cobwebs. The pumpkins are popping up all over town, brittle leaves swirl in

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Atheist Life Hacks: How To Kick Anxiety’s Ass

Shyness and anxiety

I used to be brutally shy. I mean brutally shy. I once had a job at a grocery store in the meat department wrapping meat. I worked there for six months and didn’t say a single solitary word to a soul. I got by with nods, shrugs and head shakes and it made my life

Atheist Life Hacks: How To Apologize For Neglecting You

Star Wars Cake

My little heathens… I apologize for being completely AWOL this past week – August, for my family, is birthday madness and it ends after the big one: my son’s. I was tits deep in cake batter and frosting, struggling to fill Kylo Ren-shaped piñatas and breathing all my energy into a few dozen balloons. Houseguests

Atheist Life Hacks: How To Be Motivated By The Good News

Swimming

If you’ve been following along with my Jehovah’s Witnesses saga, you know I’ve been passed off from witness to witness, some of them disappearing without a word, others moving on to bigger, fancier things in the big city. I’ve finally been handed off to a woman we’ll call Kate, who is, it seems, in it for

Atheist Life Hacks: How To Live With A Fear Of Big Shoes

Pippi Longstocking shoes

I must have been about five when I first saw the Wizard of Oz. There was a little video store in the heart of the small fishing village where I lived. My family and I would walk there and wander the dimly lit rows of shelves filled with more movies than I’d ever see. I’d run my

Atheist Life Hacks: How To Be Wrong About Canadian History

Canadian history

As a kid in Canada, every school year meant another unit on Louis Riel and another on the Hudson’s Bay Company. All of us know these stories by heart, because this is what Canadian history meant to the school board. We’d speed through our own history in a fortnight and get back to the serious