7 Things Outspoken Atheists Are Sick Of Hearing

Angry theists Here’s the God’s honest truth, no holy. Every morning when my alarm goes off, I pick up my phone and check Twitter, Instagram and Reddit while I wake up. I realize this is a choice and I don’t have to do this, but the fact of the fucking matter is that I do. I do. I just don’t feel like I’m Godless Momming well enough, unless I take my morning browbeating. Yes, I start the day with angry comments from believers who probably polish their knobs to thoughts of me burning in Hell. What can I say?

Predictably, within moments, I am usually fuming and storming out of the house for a morning walk. It’s not so much that I’m bothered by what people say to me, it’s the sheer fucking frequency. It’s the daily reminder that there are still so many people in this world for whom saying this shit actually makes sense to them. I mean, they come to me by choice. I don’t go looking for them, and they show up anyway with their wagging finger and their silly little book of ancient tales and they utter this nonsense… by choice. It’s gotten way beyond saying they will pray for me, now. The comments I get make only one thing clear: their utterer has not thought much through. Ever.

The absolute worst is Instagram. I don’t know what’s going on there, but it feels like a farm for the deeply challenged. Like Instagram is producing a commodity and it’s not social networking. No, instead, it’s pumping out morons at a rate faster than George Martin will kill off your favourite characters. The more followers I get there, the more rapidly these comments are fired in my direction. Having just reached 10k, it’s gotten completely, the fuck, out of control. I get so fucking sick of fielding the same bullshit comments and questions every day. So, naturally, I had to make you feel my pain, too. Here are 7 things I’m sick to fucking death of hearing as an outspoken atheist.

1. If you don’t believe in God, why is he all you talk about?

He’s fucking not! That’s the goddamned short answer, no holy. The long answer, is that even if it was all I talked about online as Godless Mom, which it isn’t and a quick scroll through my timeline will prove it, you have no fucking clue what I talk about the other 99.9% of my life when I am not on Instagram! The only thing this comment does, is illustrate the fact that you think Instagram is an accurate representation of someone’s entire life. That people who share beer photos have a permanent buzz on and might need an intervention. That people who post mostly shots of food, are only ever sat in front of a plate of grub, stuffing their fat faces. Instagram posts are just tiny snaps of our lives and some accounts, like mine, are there to promote something. In my case, my Instagram exists to promote my blog, so, yes, it’s going to be overwhelmingly about the topics I write about here. After I take a second to post something, though, I put my fucking phone down, and have a life outside of Instagram. Don’t you?

2. Quit bashing religious people!

You’d laugh if you saw my face instantly contort into a look of disgust when the word, “bashing” is uttered. It’s around every fucking corner like offense in an American University. When you say “bashing” I hear, “Hi. I got my vocab from The Suite Life On Deck with Zack & Cody and that’s the depressing extent to which my education will ever reach.” I’m not bashing anyone except that little bitch, Frank Turek. Just because I dislike one idea you hold, doesn’t mean I dislike you. It doesn’t mean I think you should have fewer rights, or that you’re not as clever as the rest of us. It doesn’t mean I think you should have anything, including your faith, taken from you, or that you should even be talked out of your faith. I don’t give two flying fucks on a donkey what you believe… until, or unless you use it to affect the lives of others. I am not bashing you, I’m criticizing and ridiculing ideas I feel are dangerous. If you make that personal, that’s your choice and no one else’s.

You see, I have an opinion on the existence of God just like you do. And just like you can assert there is a God, I can express my opinions on the same topic, too. That’s the best part of freedom of speech: it’s not just yours. It’s also mine. I have every right to express my take on the existence of God and all the stories in the Bible as you do. Sure, we have opposite opinions, but expressing those opposite opinions, is not bashing each other. It’s just a differing viewpoint that you’re going to have to get used to.

3. You’re as bad as Christian fundamentalists!

Fucking good.

4. You define yourself by what you lack.

I love that when people say this to me, they’re clearly ignoring the “mom” part of “Godless Mom”, but that’s beside the point. No one who has ever laid eyes on my Twitter, Instagram, blog or Facebook page knows how I define myself, unless they know me in real life. It’s shockingly arrogant to think any one of you have any insight into how I define myself. This is the internet, for fuck’s sake. This is not my entire world. Not even close. Perhaps it’s your whole world, but it is so not mine. I’m a traveler, a swimmer, a hiker, a mom, a stepmom, a wife, a daughter, a sister, a friend, a volunteer, an employee, a cooking enthusiast, a voracious reader, an activist, a pet owner, a failed clean freak, an artist, a writer and a lover of beer and great storytelling. There’s just so, so much more going on in my life than I share here.

5. Atheists have so much to say about a book they’ve never actually read!

Not counting those times I read it, then?

6. You think religious people are stupid!

Nope. No, I don’t. I think religious people are going about their understanding of reality horribly wrong, but I don’t think they’re stupid. I think they’ve been lied to, they’ve been led to believe the things they believe and given little to no choice in the matter. Most of the atheists I’ve had the pleasure of getting to know as Godless Mom are ex-theists and not a single one of them is stupid. I don’t believe they used to be stupid. Merely misled. I think your holy book is stupid. I think your myths are idiotic. That’s no different from me thinking the Danielle Steele books my mom reads are vacuous piles of dipshittery. I still love her. I still think she’s a smart lady.

7. Why are you quoting him? He’s not an atheist!

I guess I was absent the day they handed out the atheist handbook in which it says that once one identifies as an atheist one must only ever quote or appreciate people who also identify as such. My bad. This may sting a little, you mental imp, but just because you limit who you can respect to those who share all the same opinions as you, doesn’t mean the rest of us do. I’m not a fan of the echo chamber. I can and do appreciate things that all sorts of people say, whether they believe the same things as me or not. There have been plenty of religious people throughout our vast history who have uttered wonderful, quotable things, and my lack of a belief in a god isn’t gonna stop me from sharing them. You can stick to your own kind, if you want, but me, I like how Kilgore Trout, a theist (albeit fictional), said it,

Takes all kinds of people to make up a world.

What are you sick of hearing as an atheist? Let me know in the comments!

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  • Margaret Tombs

    It’s the ‘Where do you get your morals?’ one that gets me.

    • Right? The thing is, that very question tells us the asker needs the threat of hell to be good. I don’t think they get how awful this makes them look.

  • Christine Smith-Poppageorge

    #2 – aaarrrggggghhhhhhh!

  • Robert Karma

    Margaret beat me to it but #1 for me is the morality question. “You can’t be moral without (their specific version of) God!!!” they tell me. #2 Without their God, well where did we come from then? #3 Without their God, how can life have any meaning? Those are the Top 3 I encounter.

    • Ahh, the meaning question. Yes, nothing like having a total stranger tell you that your kids don’t have meaning. Sometimes I lose my cool to this one.

  • Desborough Humanists

    I get the Hitler card played the most which is incredibly frustrating. People are always telling me how atheism has killed way more people than religion. ***FACE PALM***

    • Oh yeah, that’s terribly frustrating.

    • Margaret Tombs

      And when you point out all the obvious evidence that he was a Christian, they say he was just pretending to be, or he wasn’t a ‘real’ Christian.

      • Yes, as though they have special insight into Hitler’s innermost feelings.

    • Robert Karma

      I’ve run into that Apologist narrative online. I point out to them that they are discussing Ideologies when they point out that Communist governments have killed a lot of people. Lenin, Stalin, Pol Pot, Mao, etc., didn’t kill and oppress their people in the name of atheism. They did it in order to forward their ideology and Cult of Personality. I also ask if they have read Mein Kampf. Hitler made it perfectly clear that he had a deeply held personal belief in the Christian God. He said his racial war against the Jews and other lesser people (including atheists) was a divine mission. So Christians can’t use the No True Scotsman fallacy for Hitler.

  • “What if, when you die, you find out there really IS a god? What will you say to him then?”
    Pascal’s wager. So, I should pretend to believe, just in case? Wouldn’t this all-knowing god know I was just faking it? Pointless.
    If I’m wrong? What WOULD I say to this god? I’d ask for explanations about things like the zika virus, AIDS, childhood cancer, Donald Trump, diabetes, wars, famines, droughts, Alzheimer’s disease… I’d be standing there at the fabled pearly gates for hours, demanding that he explain about all of these atrocities and more.

  • Deana

    The follwoing annoy me:

    1 when they say atheism is a religion
    2 they use the anti evolution theory to prove god must exist ??

    Neither have any relevence or validity

  • Dwayne Thompson

    I get “you used to be a believer (Mormon). Why do you now post these anti memes? Don’t they make you a hypocrite? “

  • Guthlac the Old

    “Oh yeah? Well you believe THIS!”

    Do I? Golly gosh! I’d best start acting on that, then, because it’s not like you’d need to ask me to know what my position is on something..

  • Raul Miller

    I’ve been working on a way to illustrate to the religiously
    afflicted why their “meaning question” fails. Let me try it out on you to see
    if it works. It suffers the same logical flaw as Zeno’s Paradox of the Tortoise
    and Achilles; mainly it’s a divide by infinity error. If they can understand why Zeno’s Paradox
    fails they can (maybe) see why the “meaning question” fails. The only part of
    the problem left to demonstrate (logically) is that meaning is finite. I think
    this is pretty easy, but it’s probably going to be where we find resistance. Maybe
    the best argument is asking them if what they thought and intended or whatever
    may have been important to them when they were seven years old is that what continues
    to be important to them now? (For their own sake they hopefully say no). Tada…meaning is finite and dividing it by
    infinity is logically flawed.

  • Offensive Atheist

    “Evolution is a religion” “If evolution is real, why are there still monkeys?” “Atheists have no morals” “You’re just confused” “If you need evidence, then read the bible” “That part of the bible shouldn’t be taken literally”… I could go on, for days and days. And although I agree not all theists are dumb, I think the majority of them absolutely fall in the “simple-minded” category.

  • Atheisticallyyours88

    If you keep writing articles like this, I swear I will fall in fucking love with you, move to Canada, and threaten to run for VICE-husband to you! You are Erma Bombeck, and Dave Barry rolled into one! It is because of YOUR COLUMN that I am starting a Twitter addiction! 😉

  • littlekat

    “What happened?”
    That is most annoying. I can ignore the morality, the meaning of life and other ignorant crap, but this one always sort of pisses me off. Anyone who knows me would not ask and anyone who doesn’t know me shouldn’t ask.
    1. Reality, science, logic and literacy happened.
    2. Not that it’s any of your f**king business.
    3. You are telling me that if a certain event (don’t want to know what) happened in your life, you would cease to believe.
    I usually answer with the fact that I was kicked out of catechism at age 7 for asking if a bible story was real.

  • Will Matthews

    You are awesome! Amen!

  • Halgeir Våge

    I must say that I find your posts both entertaining to read and enlightening.
    I myself used to be a Lutheran. Cause you know, my parents brought me up in the Lutheran faith.
    When I was in my late teens I turned to the Bible for guidance, and I read it cover to cover. That was when I truly realized how messed up Christianity is. When I was in my early 20’s I had re-read it. I have read it yet again now in my 30’s. It’s not because I’m obsessed with it, it is because armed with that knowlage I can actually debate with some knowlage on the subject. ( I know I miss spell things a lot… dyslexia is a huge issue for me..) I have debated the bible with Lutheran, Catholic, Prespytarian, etc ministers and they all come up short with their indoctrinated points of view, not really analyzing what they have read.
    The more I learn about that book, the harder it is to believe that anyone believes in it.
    I’ve read and debated the qran as well, with imams while in islamic countries. That seems misguided to me as well.
    All theists I talk to try to make it sound as if I do not understand their religious texts, the bible is the bible. I have read it in Norwegian and English… It’s the same text.
    Understanding the double standards and so on is not a magic tric. Yet theists think that only they understand their religious texts, despite never having read their own religious texts.

    Sorry that was quite a bit of a rant

  • Stace

    “So life just popped into being?!” Confusing atheism with abiogenesis and evolution, when they’re 3 different things.